Tuesday, April 13, 2010

What's up with That?

So I've been feeling really good about myself recently. I've been keeping up my work out routine, I've been running in a bunch of races, and eating right. I even made my best time yet in a 5k this past weekend (28:25), and came in 7th in my age group! Then why all of a sudden do I feel like I'm fat and starting to look old and squat?!

I've been a bit photo happy lately with my new camera at hand, and after putting the pictures on my computer, and seeing pictures others have posted, the other day I totally baulked! I look heinous! I'm sure this is very untrue, and my husband would tell me I'm nuts, but the truth is I feel hideous and frumpy! In all fairness, I normally hate myself in pictures, but after I was feeling so good about myself, I'm feeling a little bit let down by what's been captured on film.

Does anyone else feel this way about themselves when looking at pictures? Is it really true that as we get older, our bodies change and just don't agree with us anymore? If I was my best friend (and what I do tell my beautiful best friend because it's true), is that she's crazy, she's gorgeous, it must have been bad lighting, you are just being overly judgemental! But am I really? It's hard to get anyone to tell you the hard honest truth about this subject, and I must admit that when I ask my husband, "peoples bodies just change as they get older," is not the response I'm really looking for.

I work hard, and I mean really hard to keep in shape and be healthy. I will admit my self image is not the healthiest, but I've come a long way as I've grown up with handling my insecurities. I will for example now eat pizza on occasion, and love pasta, and eat bread (no joke), when I used to stay away from all of these things in my former years. So am I just supposed to surrender to my genes, and give in to what is my ultimate fate? Love handles, double chin, wrinkles! Or is there some way to avoid them, and if not avoid them then maybe except them?

What I can't except is that these things are happening already! I'm not even 30 for goodness sakes, aren't I supposed to get a few more years before I look short, fat, and old?!?!?!?! Tell me I'm not the only one going through this! When I run on the treadmill my face jiggles, literally bounces up and down, and I'm not just imagining it! And while someone (a model at my companies photo shoot, that was a great day for my self esteem) told me recently that I look really young, I still feel like I'm starting to look more and more old!

So, if someone could recommend and wrinkle cream, or maybe an article about how to dress for your body, or pose for a picture, or any other things that will help me age a bit more gracefully I would really appreciate it! Because I really don't wish this feeling on anyone, but I really hope I'm not the only one going through it! Here's to wishing you always look young. SB.

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